An unexpected compliment

I received an unexpected compliment today.

But first the background:

Brian and I went to Houston last weekend to visit Phillip, an aikido friend who has been working on getting a group started on the east side. They recently relocated to a community center and lost their weekend practice times, so his main two students came to his house to play and hang out on Saturday night.

No one got photos of me, but here's Brian and Phillip playing in the living room.

Phillip asked Brian about the owaza jupon (don't quote me on the spelling of that), or "Big 10" kata, which Brian immediately passed off to me.

The Big 10 is nicknamed the "Big Snip" in our school because the focus of diverging centers in the techniques is best accomplished with very little use of muscle. But males want to muscle everything and tend to struggle with their testosterone to complete the techniques correctly, so we jokingly tell them to "leave their balls in the dressing room" for this one. Brian defaulted the question to me because I don't have as much trouble muscling through the kata as he does.

Anyway, I demonstrated a couple of the Big 10 techniques for the Houston crew. Apparently I impressed and surprised. I was told that one person's eyes "got so wide," as he apparently didn't expect me to actually knock him down. Another guy told Brian I was a "badass." It was all rather nice.

But the actual compliment came today. I got a text from Phillip asking me to call when I had a chance. During my lunch break I call and am told about some kind of women's event happening Thursday evening that his wife is taking part in. She was talking about the school to some women involved in the planning and they seemed interested in East Houston Aikido Club representing at the event. Phillip wanted to take part to get more exposure for his group, but wanted a female to help with the demonstration to pique more of the audience's interest.

Unfortunately, I can't make the event; I'd have to take half a day off tomorrow (Thursday) to make it by 6 p.m. and make the return after 9 p.m. and likely still go to work the next day. I just can't marathon that kind of trip anymore, but I really really wish I could. As an alternative, I told Phillip if he was still going to go to the event and pass out flyers, I could video some sample demos he could share with any interested passersby, but I haven't gotten an answer on if it would be helpful or not.

Fortunately these events are apparently not uncommon, so a chance to do this again -- and hopefully with a little more time to prepare -- in the future is not completely out of the question.

Audrey Update III: Garden Watch 2016, the summer of surprises

You really didn't think I stopped gardening, did you?

Sure, things have been hectic, but just because there's a lot less gratuitous plant photo-sharing on this blog doesn't mean I'm not getting my hands dirty this year.

I did decide to narrow my focus this time around. Aside of the two pepper plants that survived the winter, I figured since my talent seemed to lie in making things get really leafy I should focus on herbs this year. You know, stuff you want to make leaves.

It started with the Grow Your Own Cocktails kit I mentioned in a previous post. The blue borage started off strong, with lemon balm and a few others trailing slowly behind. Only a couple, lavender and mint, refused to sprout.

I shared this photo in a past update.

There were also cilantro, dill and basil from some seed pods among the great Porch Pot Upgrade.

Well, something ate the beautiful blue borage (the big-leafed one in the above photo). Slowly, too. I thought they were just dying at first, but the plant marker mysteriously falling over more than once lead me to believe it was rabbits again. Over the course of about a week, the borage was no more.

R.I.P. Blue Borage. :-(

The seed pod sprouts died off too, so I caved and purchased mint, basil and parsley at the store.

So happy togetherrrrr!

The cilantro seemed to be ok when I transplanted it, but quickly died afterward. But some odd sprouts came out of the pot that I just let grow to see what they'd become. I planted the lemon balm in the same pot as the thyme (which decided it wasn't worth growing anyway), and some more mystery sprouts also appeared here, as well as in the basil pot pictured above.

Pictured above: Lemon balm and definitely-not-lemon-balm. Below: not cilantro. 

All I can figure is the dirt I took from last year's tomato tree must have had more life in it than I thought, because I have tomato sprouts every-freaking-where now.

There's another sprout in with the not-cilantro that I still can't identify. It doesn't give off any smell I can detect, and the closest I can come to comparing it in my limited experience is to a potato vine.

Any input or insight would be appreciated.

The next surprise was a little sprout that appeared in the pot of dead rosemary from last year. It appeared in the beginning of the spring and didn't look like a weed. Turned out to be a flower that I've never bought before, but see every year in plant nurseries.

The specific name escapes me, and the current bloom has wilted, unfortunately.

THEN came a surprise from a houseplant I bought nearly four years ago on clearance at Walmart in Killeen or Copperas Cove.

Thanks to technology I know this was on September 26, 2012. I can't remember it ever being so small.

I thought it was neat looking and a little research told me it was a natural air filter, so I made it mine. Then I left it outside one cold night and a lot of the leaves died. I was left with a funny pineapple top-looking plant.

Not a lot of filtration happening here...

Then a few weeks ago I noticed something. A small something.

Look at it!

It's re-starting itself! I'm going to wait for the mini-me to get a bit bigger, then it be a sad, choppy farewell to the pineapple top to make way for the new generation.

The pepper plants are doing well. We've gotten two banana peppers so far and there are two small bell peppers taking their time to grow.

 Banana pepper number three and the freshman bell peppers.

 Pests still abound, but I'm trying to be smarter than my competition if possible. You can see some eggshell in my herbs to deter snails, and I shared a photo of one on Facebook that somehow nabbed a mint leaf despite my efforts.

They're a real problem.

So there you go. There have been a lot of surprise plants and resurgence this season, as well as a fair amount of disappointment. Here's to the successes, though, and hope for continued victories.

Audrey Update Part II: Medical tech

I posted a short intro about starting an insulin pump/continuous glucose monitor (CGM) trial last month. On April 6 I went to meet the Medtronic rep and get hooked up to the pump. As I was leaving the appointment we learned Acer had cancer, so my focus had to be split for those following two weeks.

You may remember this photo.

It took me a while to warm up to the pump. That's not to say it was hard to use, it was actually pretty simple. It was harder to adapt to being attached to something all the time. Finding sites that didn't get in the way of waistbands or risk being unstuck by motion has taken some practice. I haven't really moved from my stomach much (I did try my right thigh for a while, but that proved a problem when I went to the bathroom).

All in all, the pump has been okay. I know those two or three weeks of having it actually made an impact on my A1C, which was a 6.9, the lowest it had been in my last five blood draws.

This is an A1C to blood sugar comparison chart from www.diabetesdaily.com, for reference sake. 

I've always struggled with being on the high side of my BG levels, so getting down to 6.9 after just three weeks was amazing (most of the more recent results were between around 7.3 and 7.8). 

Then I got hooked up to the CGM about two weeks ago.

First, the country song of my life continued on my way to that appointment. See, the previous week I realized I couldn't make it to the original CGM setup appointment due to work, so I went online to cancel. I'm on my way to what was going to be a combination appointment  to see my endocrinologist, then meet with the educator and Medtronic rep, which - keep in mind - is about an hour away from where I live and I've taken an extended lunch break, but haven't eaten, to make it that day. I'd spent most of the drive talking to my insurance about the wreck the last week and am driving a zippy rental car I'm still not entirely comfortable with. When I get a call from the clinic. "Did you cancel your appointment today?" the lady asks. 

"What? No, I cancelled the one last week and they rescheduled me for today after my appointment with the doctor."

"Well we have your Medtronic lady here, but the computer said you cancelled." She went on to read my notes, stating my availability Wednesday for a reschedule, the Wednesday I'd had off the previous week.

"No, oh my gosh, I must have cancelled the wrong one. But I'm almost there right now."

"It's okay, just come on in, we'll figure it out."

Immediately following I get a text from the Medtronic rep, who was apparently at the check in desk, as confused as the rest of us. 

So I arrive, learned I'd inadvertently cancelled my endo appointment, but could get in for the CGM setup in about 30 minutes. They would reschedule my doctor appointment for two weeks from then (today) and apologize for the confusion. 

The current setup, as I'm writing, for visual. The CGM (middle thingy all taped to skin) takes BG readings every five minutes and sends them to the pump (purple thing hooked to pocket). The pump can suspend delivery of insulin (through infusion at top) if BGs get too low for too long.

After all that mess, I had to get used to a little pod stuck to my body that beeped seemingly constantly all night and all the next morning telling me I was low or high. I hated the thing. All the attempts to remedy what was wrong just led to opposite problems later. I ignored the low alerts at night (shame shame, I know) because I knew I always wake up high. Sure enough, I woke up at 160-something without ever having remedied the lows at 3, 4 and 6 a.m. 

Then I went and had breakfast, some kind of bun and coffee, and dealt with it constantly ringing that I was over 250 all morning, even though I'd given the bolus and the pump kept saying there was still "active insulin" in my system. Of course I crashed before I hit my lunch break because I kept trying to fix the highs and it ended up overcorrecting. 

Just two days on the stupid CGM and my beautiful track record of glucose readings staying mostly in the low 100s was wrecked. 

In the time since, it has started to even out a bit. I still spike a little after breakfast, but I try to figure the bolus to better match what I'm eating to avoid the stupid beeping alerts. 

Now, I have about 30 minutes until it's time to leave for my rescheduled doctor appointment, and the CGM has told me it's time to let it recharge and put it somewhere else on my body. I've done this one other time and it took me about 20 minutes to figure out. I'm not sure if I can make it happen, but I guess I need to try. 

Overall review? Pump: would probably opt for later, when I have more funds available to make the payments, but shots were much easier to juggle with aikido.

CGM: only if I have to. I hate don't really like it. 

Audrey Update Part I : The car

I finally figured out a way to post updates about what's been making my life a country song the last month or so: I'm going to do it in parts. They're probably going to come in order of what I feel is biggest news, so firstly: I totaled my car last month.

Yes, the 2012 Yaris I'd only had (and been paying on) for a year now sits in a salvage yard somewhere. On my way to work last month I found myself sandwiched between an Altima (to the front) and some kind of SUV (to the back) right in the middle of Friday morning traffic. At some point the Altima had also been pushed into a pickup in front of it. No one was seriously hurt, thank goodness, but it's kind of a nightmare to lose your vehicle.

This was after they lifted the hood to cut some power. All the shiny emblems on the ground.

Though I don't remember what led to the initial impact, I do remember thinking "Oh shit," then feeling the second impact and just closing my eyes. It felt like we were hit about eight times, but from the number of vehicles involved I know I could have only felt a maximum of three.

 Shattered.

I know the photos don't look like much, but I was hit enough that I couldn't open either door to get out of the car. The windows rolled down, so I had to climb out. That was a clue the frame had been bent, Brian said.

I walked away with a sore back and neck for about two days and bruises on my knees from impact with my dash, but that was about it. My insurance has been great though. I was set up with a rental by that afternoon (I didn't go into work that day, but made it in Saturday) and really didn't have to do anything outside of provide statements for what happened a couple of times. Even when one of the drivers involved started to claim injury, I was informed that it was basically whiplash and a bruise, so my initial freak-out was calmed.

I've been playing phone tag with one of the other drivers' insurance for about two weeks. I actually dreamed about making it a priority to get in touch with them last night. But other than that and a citation I need to look into, things seem mostly wrapped up. My insurance and the gap insurance we got with the Yaris covered pretty much everything, so the only out of pocket expenses I paid were for the tow from the scene and for additional insurance on the rental for a couple of days while I was still shaken up.

We purchased a Tacoma from the same dealership we got the Yaris. Brian made the case that it was his turn to have a new car, and while half of me wanted to be selfish, the other half saw reason. I'm now driving the slow boat Impala. It's still full of Brian's stuff, but it's paid for and gets me to work.

Before this wreck I had only been rearended a couple of times, so spent a lot of my time more concerned about drivers behind me than in front of me. Now I'm a bit more observant of both ends. I'm still a little paranoid though. Brake lights send a shot of adrenaline through my system, but I'm watching my following distance much more closely now.

Since my VW, I liked getting photos of my odometer at interesting numbers. This was the last one I'd taken for the Yaris, on April 15. 

That first coffee after you lose your dog

When I found out I was going to be off on Monday and Tuesday this week, I was grateful. We planned to put Acer down this afternoon, so I was glad I was going to have the day to spend with him and the following day to get my head right before going back to work. But situations changed and we ended up putting him Sunday around noon.

It rained all day yesterday. On the trip to the vet, the trip to Jacque's, the whole time we were burying him. The entire afternoon and evening while Brian talked on the phone and I kept fighting waves of "It's fine" and "He's gone."

This morning I slept in a little, but when I got up there was still a tug to go let him out of his kennel so he could go out from the back of my mind. As I'm trying to figure out breakfast, something in the back of my mind kept saying "You should see if he wants to eat anything this morning." Unloading the dishwasher I kept expecting to turn around and have him standing right in my way.

It's always so much harder than I think it will be.

I'm at the dining table, listening to music, drinking coffee and typing. I hesitated to plug in my tablet because he would trip over the cord if he tried to get by it.

Part of me is clawing to get another dog. Something to fill the empty kennel in the living room and missing part of my damn life. But I know I need to process this first. I need to gather up Acer's things, sort out what belongs to us and what goes back to the rescue to help another animal. I want to go through photos to make a collage to go under the one that features Grace.

I also just want to not be in the house today. Normally I don't at all mind being home all day. I play music, clean the kitchen, watch TV, cook  things, plan for the week, and am just generally productive  while also relaxing myself. But today it seems empty and cold in here. Lonely. My buddy in all these tasks is gone.

I'm also aware that I'm doing some serious self-indulgence with this post. I don't know how else to vent this stupid sadness that wells up in my throat when I'm not expecting it.

He was old, but he was loyal. He was always there. He just wanted to help however he thought he could. I'd love to trip over him just one more time.

When you're torn between two big developments

Yesterday I went to training for my insulin pump trial. On my way home, I learned my dog has cancer on his liver and is looking at a maximum of two months left to live.

How else do you introduce two stories that inspire such opposing emotions?

On the one hand, I'm still not sure how to feel about the pump. It's a small weight attached to me at all times, and has already gotten on my nerves by preventing me from rolling after aikido.
On the other hand, I feel sad and distracted about Acer and trying to decide if and at what point to put him down. It's a constant psychological weight in the back of my mind.

I want to go into a discussion about both of these, but in focusing on one I feel like I'm not doing the emotions and gravity of the other situation justice. With the lack of photos to share, I'll just leave it with this:

• I have two weeks until I learn to use the CGM. In the meantime I'm going to try my darndest to really acclimate to this little purple pump. 
• I don't know how long I have with Acer, but we are planning to spoil him with car rides and treats this weekend, culminating in a small barbecue for him on Sunday, where he will get his own helping of steak and watermelon (I've never seen a dog like watermelon so much). 

Sorry for the lack of meat in this post. I wanted to say something about it while it was on my mind, but I'm having a hard time focusing.

In which I become a cyborg

I don't talk about diabetes very often here. Every now and then it comes up, but even in my every day life I don't bring it up a whole lot.

But tomorrow I start an experiment in my own care.

Tomorrow I go in for training on how to use a pump I've signed up to do a six-week trial of.

My doctor has wanted me to consider a pump almost as long as I've been seeing her (so two or three years now). A couple months ago I was poking around the Medtronic website and found a signup for the trial. Fast forward a month or so, montage a bunch of missed phone calls and voicemails and discussions, and here we are.

Oh goodness...

I finished the booklet reviewing the basics of pump therapy that came in the package I got Monday, and am taking a quick reflection break before I move on to the "Getting Started with the MiniMed 530G Insulin Pump" booklet.

It would be a lie to say I wasn't a little overwhelmed when I unpacked the boxes. I knew precious little about pumps, much less this one. From the discussions with the Medtronic rep, I knew it had been designed to be user-friendly to first-time pumpers and incorporates a continuous glucose monitor (CGM) in the setup.

It's PURPLE!

Past that, I didn't know how to load the insulin, how to correct for highs, what button does what, or anything. But going through the overview I learned some interesting things.

For instance, they have a Bolus Wizard in the pump that calculates a correction for high blood sugar or a given number of carbs consumed based on rates you put into the machine (which can be adjusted).

Equations. Long time no see.

The calculations aren't difficult to do, but having a machine do it for you saves the awkwardness of pulling a calculator out at each meal.

*silences judgmental Audrey*

So, as I head to the Getting Started booklet at almost 11 p.m. (hello Procrastination, my old friend), I decided to reflect on what may or may not be a positive change in a big part of my life I often pretend is not a big deal at all. I have a lot to learn to tomorrow, as well as questions about what to do with it during aikido, but I hope to update with the ins and outs I learn with my first experience on insulin pump therapy.

I haven't died!

Holy cow. Spring officially started but Audrey has been silent? No needlessly detailed posts about my scatterbrained gardening ventures? No reflections on my current life status?

I didn't drop off the side of Texas. It's just been a busy couple of months. Since the visit to NOLA, Brian and I have both been busy with our jobs, including working several weekends for me. We helped some friends of ours pack up to move to Washington in February.

We miss these people...

Then I had my birthday a couple weeks ago (which was a really great couple of workdays and weekend off). I got myself a hair cut for the occasion, as is my yearly around-birthday tradition.

 Coworkers made me and the manager (we have the same birthday) wear sashes all Thursday. Friday I left early and chopped about seven inches off my hair. 

Brian and I took Acer to the vet the day after my birthday. We'd intended to go to the range in Pflugerville afterward, but getting the dog in to be seen took a lot longer than we anticipated, so we stopped in Georgetown and visited the first Second Saturday street fair of the year instead. We showed up late, so got some great deals on pastries from one stall.

This guy was promoting his school. But the claims seemed to be a bit puffed up. *badum tish*

This weekend we stayed at a seedy hotel in East Houston to visit a new satellite dojo of our club in Killeen. They have a pretty nice location and are just trying to gain some more members to study with. If anyone is reading this near the Highlands/Crosby areas and interested in tomiki aikido, here are the links to their Meetup and Facebook pages. It's a good group of guys studying the art but not neglecting the martial.

After a good three hours of playing with the katas, we got to meet up with some of my old friends in the Houston area, which I'd been needing for some time now.

I was thrilled to see Carlos, Steph and Matt (not pictured, as he had to go to work) This was taken in a parking lot around midnight, right before a security guard in a golf cart stopped to stare at us until we dispersed.

Before heading back yesterday we swung through Lufkin and Nacogdoches to get my pine tree fix. We got food at Pepper Jacks and, after some mis-routing from the GPS, ate at the lake. Brian found some twin pinecones he was very enamored with.

Aren't they cute?

Soo, now we are back home. I ended up with a surprise four day weekend because I'm scheduled to work this coming weekend, so I'm trying to get caught up on things. Once I'm through here I need to get cracking on the taxes and an oil change I'm overdue for. BUT, I want to ensure all that my gardening ventures will continue into 2016. These are some dated photos, but I'm still working! I'm actually narrowing my focus to herbs this year, and the Grow Your Own Cocktails kit I got for Christmas has been interesting for that.

This was taken Feb. 28. The big ones are blue borage, which are now in a big pot. Everything but the mint and lavender has also been moved to larger temporary or permanent homes.

I'm also trying some more kitchen scrap experiments. These carrot tops are sharing a pot with a single radish from last year that decided it loves the cool weather we've been having lately.

I also got a pink bush-like plant from Jacque for my birthday. It's currently shedding it's pink leaves, as it's wont to do, but should re-grow them over the next month. She also surprised me by anonymously dropping off a strawberry plant one morning last week. I didn't know where it had come from for two days. I'm kind of excited about strawberry plants. I've wanted them for a while, but just never got them for myself. I'll enjoy them for sure.

My attempt at a compost bin has been nice. As it's mostly old potting soil with the addition of kitchen scraps, I feel it kind of had a head start, and I've already been using it for repotting sprouts.

Two pepper plants from last year, one bell, one banana, have survived the winter and are growing new leaves. I'm hoping they'll to better now that they're a little older and, possibly, more established.

So here's to a slightly more narrowed focus in plants this year. Maybe it will help to be less scattered. I also got a pretty windchime for my birthday from Korri, I'll bet its rainbowy magic will do well for my little green experiments.

I really do love this. I just have to get up really early to get the sun hitting it favorably and haven't 

managed to do that since getting it.

Attempting something new

It's finally happened. The result of dissatisfaction in customer service and not using my degree and professional experience to work for me has led to creating a profile on a ghostwriting job site.

I did a little reading before setting up the profile. Ghostwriting is obviously not the place to go for public recognition of ability and isn't steady work for a newcomer. But I miss writing. Lack of blog posts aside, there's a creative buildup in me that Pinterest, reading and cooking haven't been able to alleviate. I want to create something again. My first attempt at NaNoWriMo was a gigantic flop, I admit, but it did make me realize how much I miss creating stories or informing people through the written word.

There is also a secondary reason for pursuing the ghostwriting opportunity. The amount of money that goes from my earnings into paying off debt has begun to bother me. Several websites suggest securing a second income and devoting all earnings toward paying off debt. If I can start getting gigs writing things for other people, it would be a nice way to start really chipping away at student loan or other debts.

So while I wait for my profile to be reviewed, I'm browsing the job posts, seeing what might be easy to break into, while visions of creative bliss and freed-up income dance in my head. Goodnight!

Short post about a short trip

I've had a case of wanderlust for the last few years, and this past weekend I finally got to indulge it a bit. Brian got some time off work and I took off  coordinating days for a trip to the French Quarter in New Orleans.

We had intended to take an Amtrak package deal and ride the train out there, but the schedule (and price) didn't really line up for what we were looking for, so we did an a la carte trip ourselves. It was a ball.

 This dude was sure ready to party.

In the interest of not driving in an unfamiliar area, we stayed in a hotel on the Quarter and opted to just see what we could from walking everywhere. We arrived after midnight Sunday evening, and there were still people wandering the dark, rough roads. I could only imagine what it would have been like if it had been February.

Mardi Gras decorations were already going up and folks were gathering up Christmas lights in Jackson Square the next morning. We were out early enough to see the art vendors and fortune tellers just setting up their tables.

We wandered into the cathedral, where several other tourists were looking around and workers were picking up poinsettia plants and trying to sweep up all the dead leaves. I'd never been in a Catholic church before, and the grandiose-ness was more than I'd bargained for.

Brian asked a tour guide to tell us "everything" about the church, so we got about thirty minutes with him telling us about the history of the city and the church, including it being rebuilt several times, lessons on the portraits and statues all around, connections to the convent a few blocks away and the meaning of a lot of items in the sanctuary that us non-Catholics didn't recognize.

We tried to go to the oft-mentioned Cafe du Monde after leaving the cathedral, but the crowd was bigger than I anticipated for late on a Monday morning, so we kept wandering around. We booked a ghost tour for that evening and eventually found the Mississippi River.

Cheesin'. 

We tipped a man playing gospel on a guitar who sounded (to me) a lot like Willie Nelson, and eventually found our way to a French Market Cafe. It was cold, so we went in.

Being late morning we weren't sure whether to go lunch or breakfast, so we ended up with a  latte, gyro plate and side of red beans and rice to split. Of course, everything was quite good.

Myself and the latte.

We talked a little to the waiter, who told us his family was Nicaraguan, but he lived his whole life in N.O. and loved it. The first of a few friendly faces we met there.

Near the cafe was the actual French Market. Unfortunately the farmers market wouldn't set up for a few more days, but there were a lot of food and souvenir vendors set up. If we hadn't been so full, I'd have sampled a lot of the interesting looking food.

There were a lot of apartments around the Quarter, and we learned

later why signs like this were actual selling points.

We perused a few souvenir shops, including a vampire boutique, and eventually went back to the hotel to relax a little before dinner and ghost touring. In seeking out souvenirs before dinner, we ended up buying some fudge from a shop and snacking on it while we figured out which restaurant to eat at. We decided on a place called Coops for the rabbit jambalaya. It wasn't what I anticipated, but Brian loved it enough to order a second helping.

Taking our (very strong) rum-and-cokes with us, we went back to the hotel to finish them before heading to the meeting place for the ghost tour. A man from Las Vegas with a degree in French and Spanish history led us around the Quarter telling stories from N.O. history and locations. Some sent actual chills down my body (that were unrelated to the brisk evening), like the story about the Sultan's Palace massacre and the story of a man leaping from a rooftop bar following the Hurricane Katrina tragedy. But all in all, it was a very colorful lesson in local history that was interesting to compare to the version we learned at the cathedral earlier in the day.

The next morning Brian found himself in a political discussion with a man from Indiana and a man from Florida. We had to excuse ourselves to check out in time. On the (NINE HOUR) drive back to Texas, we stopped at a specialty meat market and picked up some hot sausage, rabbit and alligator (for Jacque), as well as a cooler to keep it all frozen.

But New Orleans was a fun time. If I were to go again, I'd take more photos of the residence architecture, sign up for home, vampire and/or voodoo tours, and try MORE food. I will never regret trying more foods, and there were an awful lot of ads for pralines and bread pudding that I never sampled.

On dancing

I am not, and probably never will be, a dancer.

Well, a partner-type of dancer. I feel pretty awesome breaking it down solo to some 2000's pop-punk music.

More or less like this, but with lots of directing my hands at the dog. 

However, throw in a second person with some expectation of synchronization, and it all falls apart. This is something I discovered with Brian after watching a few seasons of Dancing with the Stars. Watching the celebrities struggle with their partners to learn different styles of dance, he would tell me about the steps and rhythm of waltz, quickstep, salsa and whatever other dance was on the show. Then he would try to show me.

It's not as much a "two left feet" kind of thing as much of an "I can't tell what your motions are telling me to do" sort of issue.

However, unlike the plethora of other things that I'm really really not good at, I still pursue dancing. I love grabbing Brian's arm at events, while cooking or when a good song comes on and making him dance with me. Just now, when the Avicii version of "Hey Brother" started, I decided it was time for him to put down Skyrim for a couple minutes and dance with me.  Even though I constantly miss the cues to turn under his arm or step on his feet, I spend the whole time laughing. It's one of those weird things I enjoy being bad at, which confuses me, because most things I'm bad at I simply avoid as much as possible.

I'll never be a dancing queen. I'll probably never feel like one. But for some reason, in this instance, that's okay.