Hello random readers. A bit of non-plant oriented thoughts to share today.
I realized how "meh" I have been feeling with life a couple weeks ago. An old friend will ask me how things are going and I don't have much more to say than "fine." It's not that things are going badly - things are much better now compared to last year - but I don't feel excited about anything. There's no passion or force guiding my thoughts or actions.
Reflecting on this, I tried to think of times when I was excited. Usually, they happened when I had some kind of short-term goal or project in mind. A book series I was determined to finish; an item I wanted to sew; a garden to plan; a drawing to complete; a push-up goal to reach. Any time I had one of these, there was something to think about during long work hours. The creative gears turned and I brainstormed ideas for variations and improvements to projects waiting on my return.
Lately the only way I've been able to get this kind of release is by picking and choosing recipes to try, but by the time I get home other tasks would take precedence or I'd simply be too tired to take action.
I'm tired of just floating through the day, waiting to go home so I can watch reruns of TV shows (because everything is in its summer sabbatical) or go to sleep. Besides being tired, I'm lacking a initiative to actually start a project. The last thing I tried to sew, a pajama pant project, I didn't get past the first leg. I have one book left in a trilogy I started last year, but finishing another series butted in to that plan, and I haven't been able to drag myself back to it (I did re-start the Harry Potter series though, go figure). The garden is at that watch-and-wait point, so there's not a lot of active work required unless I wanted to buy more plants, which is the last thing I need to do at the moment.
As a branch-off to this vein, I was thinking about a possible project: reinvention. Sort of, anyway. For a long time I have admired "nice" clothing and people who always look put-together. Despite this, I have always found myself defaulting to T-shirts and jeans, not bothering much with my hair and almost never wearing makeup.
Almost all the clothing tutorial pins I've collected are for skirts, though I almost never go out in skirts unless it's a job interview or a formal occasion. Like a lot of women around my age, I have an infatuation with 40s and 50s era women's fashions.Thrift store dresses are one of the easier items to repurpose, but I don't have a lot of reason to wear them now that almost everyone I know has graduated and there aren't any weddings scheduled to happen in the near future.
It's unfortunate that I feel I need a reason to look nice, but with a job that requires scrubs, a hobby that requires a gi and no energy afterward to do much more than sit or sleep, I just can't justify dressing in more than pajamas or a glorified version of them most of the time.
There's not really a point to this rambling. I just feel better writing it out for future reflection.
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