It's been close to six years now since I first told my dad I didn't think I wanted to have children. Then it was a matter of consideration of my genes - I have been type 1 diabetic since I was in second grade, and one side of the family has heart issues while the other side has a prevalence of cancer.
When he got upset, I brushed it off, telling him "I'm 19, do you think anything I say now is set in stone?"
Now I'm getting close to turning 26 and my decision to not have children has not changed.
Additional factors have come into play, like having a fiance with other genetic risks, consistent financial struggles and - this is where get arguments - a general impatience for children.
I have to clarify to say I don't hate children; I just can't tolerate them for very long periods of time. I've seen too many parents with screaming, uncontrolled children throwing fits or wreaking havoc in department stores to think "Gee, that looks fun! Let's have one at home to destroy a living space I can barely keep looking decent as it is!"
Why WOULDN'T you want one??
Children are also hard for me to deal with in the fact that they are too young to have a sense of compassion or consideration. By nature, they are just very selfish creatures. We all are before we start to grow up and learn how not to be (well, most of us), so it's not something I hold against children personally. I just don't know if I can wait the 18 years or so it takes for them to realize what they've put others through with the demands and fits.
I am aware that rearing style has a huge impact on how a kid behaves and ends up. I've also noticed a trend of parenting advice that constantly contradicts itself. Helicopter parenting seems to be one of the worst trends we finally started moving past. But this is a world where it's less and less acceptable to let small children play outside unsupervised. We had toddlers as young as 2 years old running up the street with the other kids in the neighborhood when I was young, and it was okay because we all looked out for one another (and knew to keep an eye out for cars and move out of their damn way when they came around).
You don't see that with children anymore. They're so sheltered, they don't seem to think anything will happen to them if they don't pay attention or even go outside.
I don't have the patience to learn to speak on their level and do not particularly want the responsibility of raising another human being. What's one of the first things they look into when some kid or young person snaps and hurts others? Home life. Parents. Living environment. No thanks.
So your mom got mad that you wouldn't pick up the toys? Hm, she's going to have a psychopath on her hands if she's not careful.
A lot of people like to act like I'm being silly when I say I don't have patience for kids. One I got from a former employer was "It's different when they're your kids." She'd say how she didn't want kids, but now she has three that she loves dearly.
I don't think she doesn't love them, I can tell she truly does. If I happened to find myself pregnant, I'm not going to detest the baby, it's not their fault. But babymaking is not something I'm going to try to accomplish.
No one's made the "biological clock" argument to me yet. I can't really argue it, but it seems like everyone else around my age has decided if they want kids or not. If not now, when will it start ticking? If it's past 35, and I'm still as tired then as I am now, I'm hitting snooze on that sucker, as suggested in the video linked there. With a baseball bat.
However, I do struggle with the idea of not having grandchildren. If I am lucky enough to reach an age where my hair is white and I start to move a little slower, it would be awesome to have grandchildren to celebrate holidays with and buy gifts for. But you have to do your time of snotty noses, sticky fingers and sobbing temper tantrums to get to that and I'm not sure I want to make the investment (then possibly have children who don't want grandkids).
By this, I understand why my dad was so upset about not getting grandkids. He outright said "the only reason people have kids is so they can have grandkids!" and even offered to pay for me to adopt so he'd have someone to spoil.
Adoption is not something I'm counting out.
The process is understandably long and expensive, but the idea of helping a kid (an older kid, preferably) out does have its appeals.
Sometimes I think it's just babies I don't want to deal with. Skipping ahead to an older kid who would ideally understand the give-and-take of life a little better may make things easier to deal with.
But that is still in the future for me. I need to figure out a career before I even start thinking about taking on the responsibility of another non-animal life, and it's something I don't intend to do out of order.
For more journalistic information on the growing popularity of people opting to not have children, check out this Time article from April 2013 (dig up a copy at a library if you don't have a subscription).
EDIT: This article appeared as a suggestion on my Facebook on 1/19. It offers yet another perspective on deciding between having or not having children.
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