Semi-delirious thoughts

It's 12:38 a.m. Do you know where your Audrey is?

Oh, there she is, laying (lying? I've forgotten) back on the couch, looking at pictures of wedding dresses online.

Why am I up so late? Because I still don't have a full time job to look forward to each day, my dear Watson.

But seriously, I have a pondering: all these sites keep saying things about how the dress is what makes the "big day" so memorable.

Not the exchange of vows, the gathering of families, the freaking life leap you're taking... but the dress you wear. I swear, I'm already starting to wonder if eloping was the better idea.

I'm not saying some of these dresses aren't beautiful. Most of them are, in some way or another, but the sheer amount of options is staggering.

What I have pictured in my head is nondescript to say the least: typical white, probably A-line, sleeves indiscernible, and - what will hopefully make my gown at least somewhat memorable - a purple sash around the waist.

A dress designer site I found said it would look something like this:


That's it, I promise.

But we haven't even set a date yet, much less seriously looked into things like venues, guest lists or themes, all of which seem more important or memorable than the damn dress.

So why is it all I really think about? 

Probably because I have no full time job to look forward to everyday and need some project (outside of filling out applications, because yay, fun) to occupy my mind.

Well, I'll update more on these wedding shenanigans as they take place. Really should go to bed now for another fun filled day of filling out fun applications tomorrow. Yippee.

Have a I mentioned I hate job searching?

All news big and sorrowful

About a month ago I started a post to update on what was going on in my life: Brian and I moved to Temple to take care of his grandmother, who had been discharged from a rehab home after being diagnosed with congestive heart failure and COPD. I started writing this the evening of July 18, I believe, and it was saved, so here is what I had written:

As I sit here listening to Brian play his grandmother's favorite hymns on her old piano, everything that has happened in the last few days keeps replaying in my head.

We officially moved out of the apartment in Georgetown on Tuesday [July 15]. Once we knew, at the end of June, that his grandma would be released from the nursing and rehab home on July 4, we started moving to Temple.

In the two weeks she has been home, a whole lot of stuff has happened. At first, she was fine. Really talkative and excited to be home. We were cooking her low-sodium foods, having people alternate staying home with her while Brian and I had to work and keeping the dishes, laundry and grocery shopping done.

Last  Sunday she went to the ER for her oxygen levels dropping too low. A hospice chaplain took the time to tell her she needed to start thinking about how she only had six months to a year left to live.

I specifically remember her telling me "It was depressing me," after she was discharged. This lovely woman whom I'd only known very well since April, was determined to keep fighting the fibrosis in her lungs, fluid in her legs and failure of her heart for as long as possible.

On Tuesday she was a bit more tired than usual. By Wednesday she had developed a fever. Over the last couple days she hasn't gotten out of bed except to use the bathroom, she sleeps a lot (if not constantly), and has a hard time getting enough oxygen to even speak.

While I'm sad for the decline, when I was convinced she'd be ok for at least a few more months, I know she is comfortable. I'm worried about Brian.

The following morning, a Saturday, I went to work as usual. At 10:18 I got a phone call, asking me to come back.

By 10:20, Brian's grandmother had died.

What followed was a week of funeral planning, plans being hijacked, estate examination, and of course mourning.

Now, Brian and I are still living in the house, waiting on the will to be probated, ensuring that he will get to keep it.

I quit my job in Jarrell last Friday. The distance was getting to be too ridiculous. I am only working part time at a restaurant here in Temple, and I'm getting very tired of the low-income lifestyle.

I finished updating my application to Express now, and I'm really hoping for some kind of response. Even a few days of eight-hours and more than $8.00 an hour would help me out.

Brian also proposed on Sunday, Aug. 2. We've made no plans yet, considering we are still waiting to find out if we will get to/have to stay in Temple for the next few years, or if we will have to move again.

So in a nutshell, there it is. What's been going on with me the last month or so. 

Working harder, earning less, feeling happy

Good grief. It's like I can't manage to update anything regularly anymore. 

Well in true reporter fashion, I will just give you the news first, in most-to-least-important order.

• I lost my job last month. The official statement when I was called into the office was that the management decided I was "not a good fit for the company." I feel no hesitancy to say I think I was sabotaged out of the job, but I also can't deny that I did not feel like part of the "group" at that company, so all in all, I don't regret the splitting of ways.
• Now I am waitressing to pay the bills. The restaurant where Brian is working took me on with absolutely no waitress experience, for which I'm grateful. Despite the long hours, demanding work and rather low pay, I feel so much happier now than I did working for the paper.
• I took on a freelance position with a little twice-monthly paper covering Jarrell and Georgetown. So far, I have not been very gung-ho about my assignments, so I'm thinking the break from reporting is something I need. 
• Still living in Georgetown, for now. Hoping I will have decided what path to take next by the time my lease is up in October so I can dive on into another position in another city for another adventure. 

Losing that job really shook my notion of where I saw myself in the future. Granted while I was working there, I was questioning if I was in the right field. Then I was suddenly chucked out and really had to think: What do I want to do with my life? 

I still haven't figured it out. The few paths I considered pursuing (something in gardening, something in baking, something with event planning or interior design) all seemed to require either an "in" to the industry or going back to school - which I do not have or do not have the money for at this time. 

Fortunately, when I lost that income, Brian was able to get more hours at the restaurant almost immediately. With our incomes together, we are making it all right - if not a little less frivolously. Less eating out, fewer movies, tighter grocery budgets. But it will work out, at least for the time being. No one is starving. 

Now I'm sure if anyone is reading this they may be wondering how I am happier at a job that keeps me on my feet and moving for the better part of 8 hours a day (beginning at 6 a.m., I might add). I can't answer that. Maybe it's the actually having to physically work for my income as opposed to working at a desk in front of a computer most of the week. Maybe it's because for the first time since I've been in Central Texas, I'm surrounded by people around my age (most of the staff at the restaurant is in the 19-30s age range) who talk about things I'm honestly interested in. Maybe the hours, which leave most of my afternoon free, make me feel like I can do more after work, despite the fact that I usually sleep away the afternoon, and sometimes part of the evening, recuperating from serving people breakfast and lunch.

I really don't know. I do know that my attention span is growing. Brian got me to start the Percy Jackson series around this January. I just started the third book last night and find myself actually excited to go home and read again. Even though it is a middle-school level book, I haven't been able to focus for more than 20 minutes on any one thing in several years. It's so nice to rediscover this part of my personality - the forget-the-world-I'm-reading-a-book part. 

*Disclaimer: I am reading this series because my interest is on the series that follows it, which gets into Roman gods and more, but I need the background of the first five books to understand, or so says Brian. 

Also, Tyson is one of the best sidekicks ever... 
 


Speaking of attention spans, I was also able to focus on sewing for nearly two hours straight the other night! I made an apron for work (I keep forgetting to bring people straws or setting my order book or pen down before I take a table), which turned out pretty nifty. The apron itself took about two days to make, but I did a lot of the gross construction the first night, a lot of wrapping up and detail work the second. 

The finished product. I braided the ties, which taps into another old hobby of mine: friendship bracelets.

This machine has me so pumped. I checked a few books out at the library for project ideas (even read through the basics chapters of one, which I normally would have scanned and skipped!) and rediscovered my StumbleUpon account for some tucked-away projects I'm now considering attacking with my menial machine skills. I did a lot of sewing by hand when I was younger, but that hobby also went by the wayside after high school. Another thing I'm thrilled to rediscover (now with technology!). 

In news of others, Brian stepped down from his preaching position in Georgetown. We are still friends with the head pastor and his wife (ran into them and their dog at Red Poppy Fest this weekend), but his main reason for wanting to stay in the area when I lost my job is now nonexistent. The state, and even states beyond, are open again for my next life chapter. As soon as I figure out what the topic will be. :-)